Are you going to kill me?

hudea

Are you going to kill me?
I really don’t want to die.
I’d rather run through the grass
And pretend that I can fly.

Are you going to kill me?
I really don’t want to die.
I have so much I want to learn,
So many things to try.

Are you going to kill me?
I really don’t want to die.
I promise I will be good.
I promise not to cry.

So please do not kill me.
I’m such a little guy.
I want to grow up someday.
I really don’t want to die.

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Futility

One by one, they crumble
The relationships built over years.
You thought that each brick was cemented with love and trust
And suddenly
As if there has been a terrible earthquake
It all comes tumbling down
With bricks of memories scattered around
Waiting for your heart to stumble over and start bleeding all over again.
And you realise they don’t make band-aids for bruised hearts
You desperately try gathering the bricks
To build again what was lost
But what emerges is an edifice with holes in the walls
Where the bricks don’t fit.
An unstable monument to the past
Which you pretend is perfect
And you know you dare not look too close
It is so much easier to paint over the cracks with a glossy sheen of what ever shade you like
But somewhere at the edge of consciousness you know
And without realising it you wait for it to fall down again.
Knowing that when it does
your heart will be too tattered to hold anything together again.

They Lie.

They say that time heals all wounds.
Well they lie.
Just when you feel perhaps you’ll be okay,
Something else comes up.
To remind you of what can never be.
How much longer will it take
For me to feel no pain
When I remember you?
How much longer
till I forget your touch?
How much longer will it take
for me to stop wishing you were here?
The one person who knew me
better than anyone else.
How many times will I ask
Why did you have to die?
They say time heals all wounds
But they only lie.

For my daughter on her wedding day

I can still remember your first kick,
The wonder of that tiny bubble of a movement within me,
The love that flooded my heart and brought tears to my eyes.

I remember how you would wake up
With a cheerful toothless smile
Bringing sunshine to my day.

Your first words, your first steps,
The first poem you wrote, the first book you read alone,
The delight on your face with each experience.

Yes, the smile, always the smile
And today too I see that smile
Wider, more brilliant than ever before,

As you stand beside the man you love
Walking together down a new road
A new life, a new beginning

And once again, the love floods my heart
Bringing tears to my eyes,
As I see how happy you are.

If there is a tinge of sadness
It’s just because I am selfishly aware
That now no longer will every Christmas be shared;
No longer will this be home;
I am not the only mom in your life.

But that sadness is fleeting
Coz I can feel the love that surrounds you
Not only from your husband, but your whole new family
And as you walk down the road of this new life
All I can give you is a heart full of love and blessings

God bless you my beautiful baby and my wonderful son!

Where is the time ?

A million things on my “to do” list.
Will they ever get done?
The squirrel scampers up the balcony railing
And asks, “Don’t you want to have some fun?”
I reply, “Sure I do,
But all these things need to be finished too.”
Sadly, he scampers off
To find someone else to play,
While I go about
All my chores for the day.
Rumi sits on the table
Waiting to be read,
But there is a pile of ironing
Sitting right on my bed.
A dozen ideas for my blog
Play hide and seek in my head.
I tell them to wait
As I go to the market instead.
Oh no, today was the last day
To go for the movie that I wanted to see
But dinner has to be made
And even then I won’t be free.
Ah finally, I can take a break
And sit down with a much needed cup of tea.
Who was I kidding?
There it comes, a screaming summons,
“Mummmyyyyyyy!”

Too young to die

Your eyes are closed
Do they hide the million dreams you had
But which will now remain unfulfilled?
No worry lines mar your brow.
Does it hide thoughts started
But which will now be left incomplete?
Your lips are relaxed
Do they hold the conversations begun
But which will never be completed?
As you lie there so serene
Do you regret things not experienced
Or goals unachieved?
In your last moments
Were you sad that you had to leave
this life while yet so young?
Or at the end of the day
Were you just glad
That you were free of the pain that wracked your body.
Free of the disease that
Robbed you of all that you could have had?
Of all you could have been?
While we all mourned the fact
That you were too young to die
Did you feel you had instead lived too long?